Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Plain Vectors

Ok, bit tenuous I know, but there's no chance of me doing anything cleverer for Illustration Friday this week.

This piece can be loosely linked to housing market stuff but was really done as a portfolio booster as I will be hitting the mean streets again fairly soon (as soon as I've been away on holiday and stopped procrastinating... early 2012 then!) as I need some more colourful, slick stuff. Hopefully this fits the bill!

Weather crappy again in London today which seems to fit the sad news about Heath Ledger. I was just reading about his new role as The Joker over breakfast. My condolences to his family. Strange how I feel compelled to write about a guy who I never knew. Funny how movie stars can provoke that feeling in people. We invite them into our living rooms so I suppose there's no reason why they shouldn't therefore become part of our lives. I guess it's also the "before his time" deal. Plenty of that going around too. All very sad.


I've finished my latest sketchbook! 6 months of being dragged around by me coupled with having 6 months of my personal angst scratched into its pages... well, you almost feel sorry for the poor old moleskine!

I've put the whole thing up on my website, in page order, for your viewing pleasure. Follow this link and enjoy!

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

A Slightly Fishy Stitched Together Concept

Does anyone else, after they've sweated and strained to complete their image for IF, quickly check before they post that they've done the right damn theme?

Well I do because, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, I am a bit of a doofus.

Now as those who suffer from a similar affliction will know one's personal doofusness will manifest itself most commonly in public, always when one is trying to be suave, slick and sophisticated and most often when a member of the service industry is trying to serve me something.

There I am, sitting outside at one of Athens' (Greece) most popular cafes (This is not unusual for me, as the missus is a local) drinking Frappe and enjoying the perfect temperatures of a late Easter afternoon. I decide my upper body is a couple degrees above a comfortable level and so decide to remove my sweater. Knowing that in a crowded area there are many pitfalls for the doofus, so I decide (oh so stupidly) that speed is the ticket! So I quickly whip the shirt off... smashing the tray of the passing waitress and the two milky drinks over her... chest... area!

Benny Hill could not have planned it better! The situation was not helped by my automatic reaction of jumping up and trying to help by beginning to motion towards the area with my hands and then thinking better of it so essentially making groping motions towards her to the merriment of around 200 hysterically laughing Greek bikers.

Like I said, doofus. She did get a big tip though! Not like that... ;)

What the image about? Oh, er... Stitching, collage... fish obviously... er... Mermaids because they are Humans and Fish stitched together... so I cunningly reversed them and... All right, leave it out! Tough one this week!

Thursday, 10 January 2008

When Brain Is Empty Lies Will Come From Mouth

So, I been a hustling.

I been walking those mean streets (this is a lie) and shaking down contacts (not eye contacts and also a lie). I been talking my way in and out of some big contracts (also a lie) and making the deals of my life (great stinking whopper of a fib)!

"So you like, handed out a couple biz cards and shock a hand or two. Pretended to like Arsenal."

No man, you got it all wrong! I could never side with the Scummers!

Truth be told I'm coming to the end of a long period of employment and will be back out in the cut throat world of full time freelancing. Can't wait really, but my position does mean I've been doing some of the old schmoooooze...

See there comes a point when one is talking out of one's behind to impress some dull commissioning monkey (not you, all the others!) when one's brain begins to implode and you realise you've created some whopping giant fib out of complete desperation and boredom. One memorable instance, not actually to a client but a group of super bland people, I just lost it and preceded to rub my future wife's belly screaming "Good for boys!".

Now, I'm not proud of my actions and in my defense I was a young stupid man. I still am young and stupid but I'm no longer... ha ha! Made you look! See! There I go again! I run out of ideas and my mouth just flaps away like a headless chicken with no communication whatsoever with mister b-r-a-i-n...

If I was a computer someone could write a little script or application that as soon as it detected "Desperation Huge Giant Show Off Lies Syndrome" would insert the phrase "Really nice to meet you! Lets go for a drink soon!" and propel me towards the bar or nearest exit.

Since I can't upgrade my operating system I'll just have to learn. How 20th century...

Sunday, 6 January 2008

Mr 100%

So, heard of a Mr 10%?

This is my Mr 100%. He takes everything!

"Please, please Mr Robber! Don't steal my stuff!"

The image was sculpted in Flash. I don't think you draw in Flash, you just push shapes around. To me that feels more like sculpture than anything else.

Happy Sunday everyone! It's sunny in London! First time in forever...

Thursday, 3 January 2008

Hoodie Devil

He has a hoodie... he is the the Devil... he is the Hoodie Devil!

What? You want something well thought out and plithy? Wrong place mister!

Finished my sketchbook yesterday. Wasn't gonna tell ya until I'd batch processed them all and added them to me website but I ran out of things to say!

Shutting up now.

This week's gone quick, hasn't it?!

Wednesday, 2 January 2008


Happy New Year all!

Here's to a fun, safe, healthy and prosperous 2008!

I have a new plan. Every month I'm going to produce an image based on the month (as above) and next year I will sell a calendar based on the results! I had the idea last year, but producing 12 quality images around other work proved too much of a daunting task so I've decided to try it this way. Chip slowly away at the block...

So, fancy some January facts?

First up the 1st of Jan is happy/sad anniversary of both the BBC's first broadcast and the first traffic policemen.

Oooh, ooh, which way did your cake fall? "A flat cake was put on one of the horns of a cow in every farmyard. The farmer and his workers would then sing a song and dance around the cow until the cake was thrown to the ground. If it fell in front of the cow that signified good luck; to fall behind indicated the opposite." I'm so doing that next year. Now where to find a cow in central London...

Also, If you're unmarried don't forget "that if you look through a silk handkerchief at the new moon, which has never been washed, the number of moons you see will be the number of years which will pass until you're married. But it is unlucky to see the new moon through a window." So all you singletons board up your windows on the night of the first January moon (22nd)...

And last but not least, raise a glass on the 9th for the anniversary of the introduction of Income tax...